I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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