He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
