the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Randomize
