he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
