I looked at my own cervix.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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