i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize