hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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