i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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