I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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