Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
