I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize