i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
