I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
