I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
