could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
