Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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