"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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