yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
