got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
