I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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