Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
