I wanna bring you to show and tell
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
