I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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