have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
