and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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