I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
