I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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