You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
