omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
