A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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