I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
