i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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