Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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