I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
