So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
