People in love make me want to vomit
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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