ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
