What did we do last night that was yellow?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
