you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.