I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH