i think my mom watched the whole time
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.