it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.