i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.