i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
