the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
