Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
