i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
