I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
