first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
