Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
