when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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