New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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