his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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