Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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