So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
