This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
