id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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