im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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