I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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