My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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