so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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