Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
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you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
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No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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