I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
