when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
