I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Randomize
