dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We left the knife in your bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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