I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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