Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
