Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
