I met the friendliest cop last night
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
