I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
where are my eyebrows?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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