I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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