Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
