Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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