it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
