did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I am mentally ready for anal.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
