Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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