I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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